One of Those Days

Yesterday, Ava did not get any baby food....well new baby food.  We have a stash in the freezer. 

I usually make whatever new food she is going to try on Mondays and I try to post a blog about it on Monday....I mean Tuesday..... Ummmm, okay whenever I get around to it.

But Yesterday it did not happen. Nothing happened.

I had one of those days.  A lot has been going through my mind and functioning was just not possible.

The baby was taken care of though.  Basically, I laid on the floor all day long while my child climbed on top of me and had those slobbery make out sessions with me.  

There were a few tears in there too.

I talked to my mom for a few minutes.  She told me about a nightmare she had had.

In the Nightmare~

We (the family) were at my Grandpa's and Ava had pooped all of herself.  So my aunt and I went to bathe her.  Then everyone was in the living room, except for Ava.  My mom asks where she is and we(my aunt and I) say that she's in the bathtub.  My mom runs to the bathroom and finds her in the water face down.  My mom pulled her out of the tub.  She wasn't breathing.  My mother started screaming for help.  Then she started CPR and brought my daughter back to life.

My Thoughts During All This~

How can you be so cruel?  Why would you ever say this to a parent about their child?  This is way too hard to hear.  And it's a dream.  How will I ever be able to handle reality?  

I had tears streaming down my face.  I was AM scared.

Later That Night~

I was laying in bed. STARING at the baby monitor.  Waiting for the smallest whimper.  The blood curdling scream.  Anything.  I thought about going to wake her up and put her in bed with me.  No...We are making progress with her sleeping in her bed.  But what if she's not breathing?  Stop it!  She is breathing.  Everything is fine.  Leave her alone. She is sleeping in her crib.  You should be happy.  

It took me about an hour to fall asleep.  

1:45 a.m. the blood curdling scream filled my room from the baby monitor.  

*FYI* My family doesn't mess around with dreams, intuition, Deja Vu, whatever.  It's weird, but we know things before they happen.  For example, my mother informed my Aunts (3 different pregnancies) that they were pregnant.  How did she know?  She started having morning sickness.  She was sick throughout their pregnancies.  My Aunts- never a day of sickness.

One more example-  I think this was in the 1970's.  My grandmother was confined in ICU for spinal meningitis.  No visitors, no phone, no tv. No outside communication.  A nurse calls the house and says, "Your mother said there was a construction accident.  The man is in ICU at Ben Taub.  He needs O blood.  Her sister has O blood.  She wants her to go give blood because the hospital doesn't have any O blood."  My mother or Aunt (not sure who took the call) says, "Did you call Ben Taub?  Is this true?  How would she know about this?" Nurse- "I don't know.  I just felt like I needed to relay her message."

They called Ben Taub.  There was a construction accident.  The man was near death and he needed blood- O blood.  We still have no explanation as to how my grandmother could have known this.

There are other things too.

So my Mother's Nightmare......I am scared and worried.